it was enchanting to meet you.

i read all our facebook messages today. every single typed line exchanged from the day we met until the day you left. i thought it may give me some closure, something to tell me that everything would be okay. my eyes finally skimmed the last line of our messaging from last september and i closed my computer silently. i hugged my legs and put my chin on my knees because i knew, with every single fiber of my being, that i was wrong. i had nothing to take closure in because the last message i wrote was an apology for missing your final call. 

i know the words i want to tell you, but i don't know how. i don't understand how to do it right, how to make things right. i suppose i'll begin here, the place you cannot see. maybe someday, somehow i'll build the courage to show you this message, but for now i feel safer typing it away from you. for now, i'll keep it to me.

i just want to tell you i'm sorry. completely, overwhelmingly, incandescently sorry. i was selfish and i was wrong. when i read your words "i know you have him, but remember i'm always here for you." i died inside because, through everything, you're all i want.  and through each taylor swift song, each love movie, each wedding video i watch, it's still you.  it always has been you. since the day we met at that rugby game years ago, my mind hasn't altered. it's you. through everything in my life, you haven't wavered. through everything, you've been my steady.

and now, for once in my life, i have no idea where to go from here. all i know is when i hear taylor swift sing the words "please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting for you" my heart wrenches a little bit because it's me and it's you. and through everything that has happened, and through each lesson i have learned, you're still my man. 

let's pretend it's valentine's day so i don't sound as completely cheesy when i ask:

please (oh please oh please) be mine.

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