people and confusion.

my list of confusing people:
1. "attractive man friend"
why? just because.
2. "golfer"
why? actually he's not too confusing.  BUT i'm adding him to the list because i'd like to read his mind. or i'd just like him to say what he feels about me out loud... just saying.
3. "indian boy"
why? this definition would take approximately twelve years to write... so just imagine this one.
4. "hipster"
why? she is so up and down and all around. i don't know when she likes me or when she hates me. sometimes i'm not cool enough for her and sometimes she says she's not cool enough for me.  make up your mind! be my friend or don't be my friend. but pick a side, please?
5. the world in general
why? can't we just speak our minds people??

okay, i'm done ranting about confusion, cause in reality i'm not that confused.  i just think i am.  i mean, i have a couple valid points, right? (don't answer that if i don't, i like to make myself think that i have valid points all the time.) it all comes down to one thing:

i just wish i could read minds.

 p.s. thanks mariah for listening to my confusion.  you're pretty much the best at making me feel like i have completely valid points which makes you=awesome. and your solution to all problems (also your john mayer dream) makes me laugh.  you're pretty much one of the best friends of all time. i'm lucky to have you as my friend.



a thought for the road.

once upon a time i read a book.  its name was The Perks of Being a Wallflower. one phrase in the novel has stuck with me all this time.

"and in that moment, i swear we were infinite.".

infinite: in-not,without. finite-having limits or bounds.
infinite: without having limits or bounds.

isn't that what life's kind of about? making yourself infinite? we all have an infinite capacity.  my goal in life is to become infinite. to feel infinite.

become limitless. become boundless. 
become infinite.


enough said.

book on tapeworm, the moth & the flame, and other various artists. (but mostly book on tapeworm)

tonight i went with some of my best friends on this entire earth to a concert at the velour.  it was beauty, pure beauty i tell you.  book on tapeworm hosted the event (guess who the piano player/singer in book on tapeworm is? oh yeah, my idol emily brown. just saying.) it began with some random artists, which were all extremely good, if you ask me.  then it moved on to the moth & the flame. the only way i am able to describe what i experienced with that small band amounts to one word. unreal.  it was like u2 and snow patrol smashed in one man.

then. oh, you won't believe what happened next.  then book on tapeworm came on stage and began singing the most beautiful song of my entire life.  there's something about lullabies that make my heart absolutely melt.  the entire concert was amazing, the people i was with were amazing.  i am so lucky to have such great friends.  people i can be myself around.  people who won't judge me.  people who say "okay, i've just gotta say it.  the only person i'd have a one night stand with is john mayer." i love them.  they make me happy.

thanks, guys, for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

(p.s. the last song was my favorite.  for various reasons.)

moving on, i discovered my love for concerts as of late.  my love of attending them and feeling that rush as the artist(s) begin their first piece.  the first strum of that guitar or the first key played on that piano.  i love the voices, the talent that is displayed as these wonderful people let their voices lead the music.  i love how they are honest with themselves, and how they express themselves through music.

i love the concert atmosphere.  it's almost like a family. (unless you're at a freak concert like ke$ha. then i think you're a family cause of drugs and lust. just saying.  not judging.) we all like the same music, or at least we all like this artist.  i love how everyone sways with the music...

i love concerts.

here are some photographs of this amazing night:

...and a few of them recording, cause they're just so great:

if you haven't listened to their talent, check them out. i dare you.



hey, i have something to tell you.

1. I need to tell you something, look at 11
2. It's really important that you know, so look to 8
3. I'm just going to say it. Look at 13
4. Last one I promise, look to 9.
5. It's coming, I promise, go to 14
6. I'm just nervous, I'll tell you, at 3
7. I'm working up the courage, look to 10
8. I know, I know. You're getting angry. look at 12, you're almost there.
9. I just want to tell you that I love you
10. Alright, here it comes, at 15
11. I'm going to tell you, go to 6
12. Just look at 4.
13. I know, you're probably getting bugged, go to 7
14.You're almost there, now look at 2
15. Be patient, look at 5


sometimes things are awkward when you really, really don't want them to be awkward.

like right now.



a valediction: forbidding mourning

AS virtuous men pass mildly away,  
    And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
    "Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."
So let us melt, and make no noise,                                  
    No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
    To tell the laity our love. 

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
    Men reckon what it did, and meant ;                        
But trepidation of the spheres,
    Though greater far, is innocent. 

Dull sublunary lovers' love
    —Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove                              
    The thing which elemented it. 

But we by a love so much refined,
    That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
    Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss.                         

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
    Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
    Like gold to aery thinness beat. 

If they be two, they are two so                                     
    As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
    To move, but doth, if th' other do. 

And though it in the centre sit,
    Yet, when the other far doth roam,                            
It leans, and hearkens after it,
    And grows erect, as that comes home. 

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
    Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just,                               
    And makes me end where I begun.
-John Donne



dreams are what make us unique.
follow each dream,
and live every day as if it's your last.
hold tight to the people you love,
let people make you smile,
believe in miracles.

if you love life,
life will love you back.

sometimes... things just feel perfect.

the other day i was having a lonely day. i had just finished a test at school and was about to come home when i received a text that said "you should come visit me." he always, without fail, texts me the right thing at the right time.

of course he was golfing... he always is... so i went to visit him at the golf course.  that morning i showered, got out of the shower, and literally did nothing with my hair.  it was a curly, wavy mess.  the moment i stepped onto the putting range (if that's even what you call it)...

he told me i looked pretty.

he couldn't have said anything more perfect.  he made my day.  i'm so lucky to have someone like him in my life.

p.s. he's getting his call for his mission in less than a week! eek!



i like this.


there's this boy...

and i like him. a lot.

and sometimes... i wish i was in love.

i've never been in love.
sometimes i just want to feel what everyone is saying i'm missing.
i want that best friend.  someone i can trust with my soul with.
i want someone who cares about me to the ends of the earth.
i wonder if i'll know when i'm in love.
if i'll see him and know,  if i'll wake up one morning and know, or if it will take time.
sometimes... i wish i was in love.


** p.s. i got this picture/quote from my dear friend elizabeth garces. she's a cutie.


emily brown.

last night i attended an emily brown concert.  to say she is one of the most inspirational and moving musical artists of all time would be an understatement.  she was amazing, unreal, pristine... for one night, emily brown was my supreme role model. 

if you haven't heard of her, go listen.  all her songs are definitely recommended for the enriching of the human soul.

There are only so many ways 

That I can tell you I love you 
Without telling you I love you 

And I have reached the limit of days 
That I can tell you I love you 
Without telling you I love you 

I give up 
I'll be blunt- 
You're all I need and you are everything I want 
Is this real? 
Would you know? 
All you gotta do is hold your breath and close your eyes and plug your nose 
And take the plunge 

There are only so many times 
That I can think that I love you 
Without blurting out "I love you!" 
And I am on the self-drawn line 
I do believe that I love you 
And I need it, I love you 

I give up 
I don't care 
'Cause when you're here I breathe you in like you're the air 
Is this truth? 
We'll find out 
'Cause I don't think this is what life is all about 
Living lost 

I give up 
I need you 
When you're not here, I don't know how to make it through 
You're my sun 
You're my sky 
The funniest thing is that I'm just discovering why 
I could die



oh, hello again!

apologies for the ever so long gap between this post and my last.  i suppose recently i haven't had much on my mind that's really worth sharing.  or maybe i'm just lazy.  anyway, whatever the reason... i'm back to the swing of blogging things. and i think i'm for real this time.

today is a thursday.  which means tomorrow's a friday! wow, did you see that intelligent sequencing there? because i sure did.  i am so excited for the weekend, you don't even know.  i feel as though this week has been dragging on for at least six eternities.  at least.  don't you agree?  i swear it has been friday since monday.

i have something to rant about for just one moment.  sarcasm.  lately it has been bugging the heck out of me.  i mean, not the friendly "what kind of cell phone do you have?" "i don't believe in cell phones" kind... cause obviously that's harmless.  i'm meaning the type where it kind of hurts your soul but you just don't want to show it.  yeah, i hate that kind.  and it's been happening to me an awful lot lately.

lately i feel as though i've been running on low with friends... and it's almost depressing.  today, i got really excited because four people asked me to play with them this weekend... so i accidentally mentioned it to a friend.  and she said "wow, here's a gold star for you." you know when things really, really, really hurt... but you don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing? well, that's how it was. and it really, honestly, truly sucked.

moral of the story: sometimes sarcasm really hurts! even though you're not trying to be mean, sometimes it hits deeper than you would have ever imagined it would hit.

sorry for the rant. i promise i'll post something happy next! thanks for the listen.