...how hard it is to make it look so easy.

my heart is ripping. and i'm lost and i'm confused and i don't know what to do or what i did.  all i know is i think of sweatshirts and late nights and messy hair and my heart aches.  it aches from the very core. nothing's the same and everything's different and i don't know where to go from here.  my best friend is gone.  the one who listened when i had a problem, the one who held my hand when i was scared, the one who told me i was beautiful when i wasn't. he's gone. and what are we left with? one girl whose tears mingled with the shower water and a boy who remains a mystery.  i don't know. i don't know. i don't know. all i want is some clarity.