things that make me terribly happy.

(in the style of taza)

1. my family. why? they always love me. even when i'm all over the place... like i usually am.

2. kyle. why? he's loves me for me.  he's real and doesn't hold me back. he is protective and kind and sweet. he cares about me and takes care of me. he is just my kyle.

3. swimming. why? swimming is indescribable.  i wouldn't be me without it.  ...and i am an overachiever...

4. piano. why? because piano lets me show my emotion. it is a limitless form of art that i adore.  i love finally getting that one hard scale right, or finishing a song and playing the masterpiece all together.  i love it when people listen and are touched by the beauty streaming from the piano.  i love feeling it, i love playing it.

5. art. why? most people don't know i'm an art nut.  i always have been.  i try to keep it to myself because there are so many better artists out there and in all honesty, they intimidate me.  my great-grandma rene is an amazing artist, and every time i see her paintings i get a little closer to coming out of my shell.  i absolutely love art.  i love the creativity behind it, i love the feeling of a paintbrush in my hand... there's just something about art that i adore.

6. music. why? because music is one of the only things you can't fake in life.  you either adore it or you don't like it at all.  i love the pure honesty of music. you always know what's on someone's mind by the music they listen to. ...cause without you things go hazy...

7.  paper cranes.  why? i don't really know. but i have some deep obsessive adoration for these little origami creatures.

8. the number 8. why? it's always been my lucky number.

9. soft blankets. when they smell like the washer. why? it's the best feeling to cuddle up in a soft blanket. especially if it's with someone special. 

10. writing. why? i can't believe i didn't remember this earlier in my list! i love to write. absolutely love to write.  i love every single thing about writing. (except writers' block. but that's not the point)

so there you have it.  a couple things that make me absolutely, terribly happy.  life's good isn't it?

life in general... makes me terribly happy.

b.

guess what guys? it's my birthday tomorrow!

i know, you're all stoked.

even though my day is going to be normal with work and swim, i am still excited. i have a fun family to play with and some wonderful friends who absolutely spoil me. i'm going to be real old. old enough that... i still can't go to jail. oh well, nothing new actually happens at this upcoming age, but i still feel old!

okay, enough about old. i'm getting wrinkles thinking about all this.

have a happy 8th of july everyone! remember who you are.

b.

forget about the rules and the fear.

b.

fireworks, watermelon, swimming, and some summer lovin'.

happy fourth of july everyone.

this is when our great nation earned its independence.  which means:

let's celebrate by blowing things up.

sounds like a good plan to me.

today we are heading up to my grandmama's house to barbeque, swim, and watch some pretty fireworks at sugarhouse park. all the while taking pictures with my new camera. (have i told you yet i can't get enough of that beautiful thing? cause i really can't.)  

i love the fourth. i get to spend all day with my wonderful family and some special friends, we eat and laugh and play and finish the night with my grandma forcing all of us into saying, "ooh, aah." after every single firework to satisfy her glitter-in-the-sky obsession. good people, good times.

i hope everyone has a lovely day full of watermelon wedges and family laughter.

one word of advice: don't catch on fire.

love, b.

i'm not skirting around it any longer, i like a boy named kyle.

there's this boy. and his name is kyle. and every time i'm with him i feel like i'm floating.  there's something about him that i am unable to describe, something that, no matter how intently i try, never forms words. i am so absolutely crazy about him. he is wonderful beyond words.  

i have always been afraid of love, but now, for some crazy reason, i'm not. i don't know much about it, love i mean. i'm no expert, and i won't pretend to be.  all i know is that i'm learning. each day, i learn a little more what love's about.

i watched you sleeping,

quietly in my bed.

you don't know this now,

but there's some things that need to be said.

and it's all that i can hear,

it's more than i can bear.

what if i fall and hurt myself,

would you know how to fix me?

if i went out and lost myself,

would you know where to find me?

if i forgot who i am,

would you please remind me?

oh,

cause without you things go hazy.

b.

i'll be seeing you.

today i am thankful for eternal families.  two of my grandfathers passed away this year. my grandpa gary passed away february 20th after battling stage four pancreatic cancer and my great grandpa bob passed away june 29th.  i was laying in my bed this morning thinking of the wonderful knowledge we have. how wonderful is it that i know that i will see both of my grandpas again. i know they're together and having an amazing time partying it up in heaven. i know that when i die i will see them. i know all these things with such surety it amazes me.

my grandpa gary and i were really close.  i remember talking to him about some of my "boy" problems one night on his couch. he put his arm around me and told me that i was perfect.  we have always shared this wonderful connection.  my grandpa was one of my best friends.  my grandpa made an effort to come to every one of my swim meets, every one of my little piano recitals, my dance recitals. my grandpa was always there for me.  i have countless memories of our little special conversations, our games of pool soccer, water slides in idaho, swim meets in pleasanton.  my grandpa was such a prevalent figure in my life.  i always, always knew that he loved me.  in the last few days of his life he wasn't able to talk. i sat by his chair and he would hold my hand.  i said, "grandpa, i love you." and even though he was staring off into space, even though his voice could form no words, his hand squeezed mine tightly.

it has been really hard to have him gone.  my mind has realized that my precious grandpa will never be here with me again, but my heart hasn't accepted that reality yet.  my grandpa is just on a trip to me. and sometimes it hits me that he's not coming home. again, i'm so thankful that i believe what i believe. or should i say, i know what i know. i will see my grandfather again. he'll put his arm around me again and tell me that i'm perfect.  i know my grandfather will still be here for me. i know he'll be here at my wedding, he'll be here to be my children's great grandfather, he will be there at my big swim meets, he'll still be here.  i am so lucky, so SO lucky, to know what i know.

my grandpa gary was such an example to me, is such a great example to me.  he has taught me so much throughout my life.

i miss you grandpa, i love you.

to see his obituary and realize how truly wonderful he is, look here.

my grandpa bob and i were also  close. i have memories of him teaching me the alphabet backwards (i still can to this day), making rubber band balls, and him telling me of his horror "left-handed-child-in-the-olden-days" stories.  his hair was always classily slicked back, and he always had a happy smile on his face.  he has taught me so much. he was such a wonderful man. i love him and i will miss him.

to see his obituary, look here.

every single day, i am so thankful for my church.

b.

guess what i purchased today?

a new camera!

...the brand new canon rebel t2i... to be precise.  and i love it.

b.