transferring.

all the posts from love, brittani have been transferred to this here blog for documenting purposes only.  my real blog is still at love-brittani.blogspot.com. go there to follow me now.

have a lovely day!

xoxo, britt.

humanity.

sometimes it takes becoming completely lost to find who you really are.

credit.

all i know is you said hello, your eyes look like coming home.

he has a smile that tends to light up his entire face, and the entire world.  it's contagious, that smile. when he laughs, it isn't just a little chuckle, his entire body gets into it. he throws his head back in a way that makes everyone smile. he tortures me, really. he looks at me in a way that makes me wonder what in the world it would feel like to kiss him and when he even bumps me, it leaves a trail of fire.  goodness, that boy. honestly, though, i can't even get up the nerve to really talk to him.  maybe it's because he's so perfect. yeah, that's probably why. i don't even know what to say, where to start, what to begin with. until i think of how to spark something, i'll continue hoping he sits by me at dinner and i'll resume thinking of that smile. oh, the smile.

i'm hopeless.

life, lately.

one. let me introduce you to my best friend, sydney. she makes me laugh when i'm really sad and we eat brownies together when we're homesick. people ask us if we're sisters and we just laugh cause we'd be fine if we were. we watch the walking dead and tell secrets like we're five. i love her to death.

two. i've been watching the sex in the city marathon all day today. judge me.

three. we swim cal berkely in the morning, and yes, they have been national champions for the past two years.

four. sydney, paolina and i are being the kardashian sisters for halloween. our upperclassmen are trying to teach us how to give the facade that we have boobs. 

five. college is great, my friends are lovely, and life is better when you're hanging out the car window.

have a lovely weekend, everyone.

christ's infinite atonement.

this is what i needed. maybe it's what you need, too.

It is my testimony that many of the deepest regrets of tomorrow can be prevented by following the Savior today. If we have sinned or made mistakes—if we have made choices that we now regret—there is the precious gift of Christ’s Atonement, through which we can be forgiven. We cannot go back in time and change the past, but we can repent. The Savior can wipe away our tears of regret and remove the burden of our sins. His Atonement allows us to leave the past behind and move forward with clean hands, a pure heart, and a determination to do better and especially to become better.

-president uchtdorf

photo credit.

obsession.

oh, you're in my veins.

it was enchanting to meet you.

i read all our facebook messages today. every single typed line exchanged from the day we met until the day you left. i thought it may give me some closure, something to tell me that everything would be okay. my eyes finally skimmed the last line of our messaging from last september and i closed my computer silently. i hugged my legs and put my chin on my knees because i knew, with every single fiber of my being, that i was wrong. i had nothing to take closure in because the last message i wrote was an apology for missing your final call. 

i know the words i want to tell you, but i don't know how. i don't understand how to do it right, how to make things right. i suppose i'll begin here, the place you cannot see. maybe someday, somehow i'll build the courage to show you this message, but for now i feel safer typing it away from you. for now, i'll keep it to me.

i just want to tell you i'm sorry. completely, overwhelmingly, incandescently sorry. i was selfish and i was wrong. when i read your words "i know you have him, but remember i'm always here for you." i died inside because, through everything, you're all i want.  and through each taylor swift song, each love movie, each wedding video i watch, it's still you.  it always has been you. since the day we met at that rugby game years ago, my mind hasn't altered. it's you. through everything in my life, you haven't wavered. through everything, you've been my steady.

and now, for once in my life, i have no idea where to go from here. all i know is when i hear taylor swift sing the words "please don't be in love with someone else, please don't have somebody waiting for you" my heart wrenches a little bit because it's me and it's you. and through everything that has happened, and through each lesson i have learned, you're still my man. 

let's pretend it's valentine's day so i don't sound as completely cheesy when i ask:

please (oh please oh please) be mine.

credit.

the horror.

the peterson heritage center: the dread of each college freshman living in kitchen-less dorm rooms. it may not look too terrible from the outside, but once forced into habit on someone, the hc turns into a horrific dungeon of nutrition-less, questionably-edible, severely overpriced food. sadly, us freshman have no choice in the matter. we pay our hard earned cash for this garbage, we may as well eat it.

and so, after a solid three months of feeling like death after each meal (i know, i'm a slow discoverer), i have decided to create a diet for myself. not a losing weight diet, you know, but like an i-don't-want-to-feel-like-my-insides-are-falling-out-anymore type of diet.

i began today with an experiment. i downloaded the intelligent, and may i mention one hundred percent free, myfitnesspal app onto my cell phone and started logging my food. after loading my breakfast results i stared in complete and utter horror. for breakfast i ingested a total of 1027 calories. and yet, this isn't the worst of it. i had ingested 40 grams of fat, 439 milligrams of cholesterol, 1386 milligrams of sodium, and 142 grams of carbohydrates. horror, horror i tell you.

no wonder i feel like someone just wrung my intestines out. so, in conclusion, i will be spending the next couple hours of my life researching cafeteria eating and how not to die from this stuff.  please, please. if you have any advice or specifically lovely articles for me to read, i would definitely appreciate it.

have a lovely sunday, everyone, and stay away from cafeteria food while you can.

lyrics to help you.

when we were younger we thought
everyone was on our side
then we grew a little bit
and romanticized the time i saw
flowers in your hair
it takes a boy to live
it takes a man to pretend he was there

so then we grew a little and knew a lot
and now we demonstrated it to the cops
and all the things we said
we were self-assured
cause it's a long road to wisdom
but it's a short one to be ignored

be in my eyes
be in my heart
be in my eyes
and be in my heart

so now i think that i could
love you back
and i hope it's not too late cause you're so attractive
and the way you move
i won't close my eyes
it takes a man to live
it takes a woman to make him compromise

be in my eyes
be in my heart
be in my eyes
and be in my heart.

flowers in your hair - the lumineers

and then comes saturday.

sometimes our coach makes us roll around in the mud after practice, just because he can.
welcome to the university of utah swimming and diving, folks, where it never, ever, ever gets boring.

binge blogging.

how adorable is this?

scripture sunday.

"for god hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 timothy 1:7

i make a lot of mistakes.

sometimes it's hard realizing that the choices you're making are not taking you to the place you want to go. i have realized, lately, how terribly far from perfect i am. i make a lot of mistakes. and, trust me, i mean a lot. but i've realized, along with the harsh reality that i make plenty of mistakes, that the point of life isn't about the mistakes you've made, but what you do with your mistakes. i've made plenty of choices that i would say i'd take back in a heartbeat, but then i realize i wouldn't have received the lesson from them if i could take them back. maybe i'm not making sense and maybe i sound crazy, but i'm thankful for my mistakes.  they have forced me to learn, and they have forced me to grow.

so here i am, my first two weeks of college and a lot of mistakes under my belt, and i am vowing to change. i will be the brittani i know i am, i will stand up for what i believe in no matter who it is against, i will fight for my values, and my morals, and my beliefs.  i will stay virtuous and be consistently true to myself. i will not ruin what i am and what i have built for myself for the past eighteen years. because, you know what? no matter what the world tells me, i am great. i am something rare. and although everyone is telling me that "it won't hurt" and that i'm "inexperienced," i know that someday i want to find someone that also brushed off the "it won't hurt" and i want to find that someone who is just as "inexperienced" as i am. we "inexperienced" are rare. and we are worth it. i'm no longer afraid of being that rarity, instead i'm proud. be proud with me. we can start a pure revolution. we need to remember that our mistakes make us stronger. let's look forward to a better future and never dwell on the past. life is meant to be lived forward, not backwards.

be bigger. be better. stand taller. stay purer.

the now.

my name is brittani and i hate the unknown. i wouldn't say i'm someone who is afraid of the unknown, no, i'm not afraid. i'm just that girl who needs to always know her next move. each morning (usually in math class, whoops.) i plan my day. embarrassingly enough, i even jot in when and where i am going to eat my meals. i like knowing, i like planning.

since i was a little girl, i had a plan. it was absolutely and completely foolproof.  i would find the love of my life my senior year of high school. he would go on a mission and return home with honor. i would tie a precious bow around all the letters we had written in the past twenty four months, he would propose to me, and we would have the most fairytale wedding to ever exist.

this plan began unfolding wonderfully in my senior year of high school.  i met the boy i thought was the absolute love of my life and he got ready to serve a mission. only a few months later, my plan came crashing down on top of me.  it smothered me, and i couldn't get up for air. what was supposed to be my wonderful fairlytale had in fact turned into a tear-filled nightmare. 

to this day, people still ask me if i'm okay, and the reality of it is i only feel one emotion now. gratitude. i am so very thankful the situation played out as it did. there isn't a day that goes by i'm not overflowing with gratitude for the opportunities i have and for the place i am now with my life.  i suppose you could say it wasn't meant to be, and although i strongly agree, there are many more factors that went into the situation as a whole.  we weren't right for each other. not one bit. we have different goals, and much different ambitions. we are going much different places in life.  even now, our choices have put us on completely diverging paths. together would have resulted in a very negative consequence for us both, and i truly believe our lives would not be as happy as they would be apart; now or in the future.

so here i am, for the first time in my life completely content with the unknown. i don't know where i'm going to meet him, or where, or even how. i don't know if he will be blonde or brown, if his eyes will be blue or green. i don't know his major, his occupation, his origin. all i know is he's out there, somewhere he's out there. and right now he's making decisions that will lead him to me, and i am making decisions that will lead me to him.

someday, i'll meet my prince charming. 

and i promise you, it will be the most fairytale wedding to ever exist.

for now.

real posting to come, i promise.

be so excited.

for now,

xoxo brittani

hello from my new home.

i have a lot of throw pillows and string lights over my window. our living room looks like a jail cell because all of us are too poor to purchase decorations. everything is new and strange, but my room has the cold familiarity my highland house had and the same music plays in my room. my roommates are quickly becoming my family and i've realized my team will always stand by me and protect me. i have pudding stacked in my refrigerator, bread on top, and my water bottle on the counter. this place is small, but i like it.

good afternoon from my new home.

home.

i move out in six days. the fact that i'm leaving hasn't really hit me yet. you know that moment where your brain knows something's going to happen, yet your heart doesn't want to face it, yet? yeah, that's where i am right now. people tell me i'm afraid, but i know that's not it. no, i'm not afraid. i'm ready. i'm ready for this entirely new stage of life. i know i am. but my readiness will never change the fact that this, where i'm laying right now, is my home.

my home is where my family is.  it's where i wake up in the morning and hear my mom returning from her morning bike ride. home is where connor sings in the shower and nathan flexes in the mirror. home is where papa makes us breakfast burritos and spatsa on sundays. it's where mom cleans bathrooms on tuesday's, where the kids clean their rooms on saturday, where i do my laundry far less than i should. home is where i check in for curfew, where we return to after sunday beach cruiser rides, where we lay when we're sick. home is where my daddy, my momma, my nathan, my connor and i always, always support each other. my home is safe. my home is love. my home is where my family is.

home is where the heart is.

photo credit.

excuses, excuses.

well, it's apparent i'm steadily worsening at writing on this blog. i know it's terribly cliche to use the excuse of "my life is so busy right now" but call me cliche cause i'm using it. the past couple weeks haven't given me even one moment to think. let me back my excuse by dividing my crazy life into the four most prevalent time consuming categories as of late.

(one) swimming. the university of utah's natatorium is presently closed, so coach has been rewarding us with extremely painful on-land exercises. i love it with my whole heart, even though i wasn't aware my body was capable of producing so much sweat. after practice i ice my legs, eat a lot of protein, and open my computer... which brings us to number two.

(two) an incredibly cute boy. i know, i know. you're judging me right now. i don't even care. he lives in arizona (which is way too far away for my liking) and we talk a lot. it really is worth an entire post on its own to explain our little background, but the moral of the story is: we talk a lot and he's moving up to salt lake city in six days. which brings us to number three.

(three) moving out. yes, i'm moving out in seven days and i haven't purchased a single thing for my dorm. it's okay, i'm only freaking out a little bit. i make lists all day long of things i need to do in the next week, but nothing has been checked off yet (even my purchase undies checkmark) because of number four.

(four) aunt's wedding. oh yeah, i forgot to mention, my aunt is getting married. between bridal showers and bachelorette parties, dress fittings and shoe finding, things begin getting crazy fairly quickly.

moral of the story: life is busy. i'll get back to regular posting as soon as i possibly can.
i love you all.

britt.

awake my soul.

lend me your hand and we'll conquer them all
but lend me your heart and i'll just let you fall
lend me your eyes i can change what you see
but your soul you must keep, totally free.
-mumford & sons

photo credit

summer nights.

i love these two boys with my whole entire heart.
good thing families are forever, right?