ten days.

you're leaving.  you're leaving in ten days for two entire years.  it scares me a little bit.  maybe it even makes my heart skip a couple beats and it maybe possibly makes me feel like i have an eyelash stuck on my eyeball.  that's two years without you. which is really long.  but i'm really really trying to make it seem really short.  twenty-four fast sundays, right? every sunday feels like a fast sunday.  that's only one hundred and four weeks... which isn't too many, right? right. right. right. this isn't too bad, right? oh yeah, right. we can do this, we're good. i'm good, you're good, we're good. we can do this.

all i want to say is you make me happy.  it's the way you hold my hand and brush back my hair. it's the way you crookedly smile and laugh with me.  it's the way you grab my hand and waltz with me in the kitchen.  its the way you tackle me to the floor and wrestle me.  it's the way you tickle me and pinch me and it's the way you crack funny-occasionally-sexual jokes at me.  it's the way you get all my weird jokes and the way you answer every question no matter how awkward it should be.  it's the way we are never awkward around each other and it's the way you love me. and the way i love you.

you're my best friend. for real. and i'm not just saying that because it may or may not seem like the most correct thing to say at this time.  i mean it. i really do.  you're my best friend in this entire, giant universe.  out of the nine billion people in the world, you are my best friend. yes. you. and i wouldn't trade what we have for anything.  even a bajillion dollars. even six bajillion dollars, even an infinite amount of fourteen-zillion dollar bills. yeah, i'd choose you.

you're the best. i heart you...

love, b.

p.s. we're gon get real good at letter writing.

p.p.s. the date above is wrong. i don't exactly know why. this was written november 27, 2011. thank you and have a nice day.

la de da la da da de de da la da.

maybe i like to be with you.  maybe i like that every word that comes out of your mouth makes me laugh or maybe it's your hugs that nobody elses' can compare to. maybe it's how your sometimes hat hair and my sometimes really curly hair compliment each other.  maybe it's that i'm the only one that gets your jokes and you're the only one that gets mine.  maybe it's the way you can anger me like nobody else can, and somehow we're still best friends.  maybe it's the late night phone calls or maybe it's the eating and eating and eating because neither of us ever get full.  maybe it's the downloading of each others' itunes or the conversations about our future.  maybe it's your dedication, or maybe it's how laid back you are all the time.  maybe it's the way you make me smile whenever i'm around you or maybe it's how you make me feel like the most special girl in the world because that's how you treat me.  maybe it's the way you've grown up in the past two weeks and maybe it's the way i've grown up in the past two weeks.  maybe it's the blog posts that don't make any sense to anybody but me and you or maybe it's the long car drives up the canyon.  maybe it's that one time we kissed underwater or maybe it was that one time we chased each other around state when we were young.  maybe i don't know why i like to be with you so much. maybe. possibly. probably.

all i know is that i do.

b.

one hundred.

happy post one hundred!

thank you to all my friends and followers and such for listening to all my rambling.  i love you all.

{one hundred things i'm thankful for}

one a day.

1. best friends.  last night i went to the midnight premiere of breaking dawn with one of my best friends.  it was so fun not only because the movie was insanely cheesy/awesome, but because i was with someone i'm so close to.  me and this girl have the strangest friendship, and i think anybody that knows us agrees.  we fight like siblings, but she is one of my very best friends.  she listens when i'm having a really bad day and she understands when things are tough.  she brings me starbucks when she knows i'm sad and she writes me letters for no reason at all.  we've been through so much together.  through style changes, through different men, through swimming and dying, through everything.  she taught me how to surf and she taught me what having a friend's like.  she's the best.  i love you, rache.

b.

actions, my dear.

words. they're only letters, sounds that echo in your brain, syllables that stumble out your throat.  they're only lines on a paper and curves you draw with your pencil.  sometimes they mean so much and sometimes they mean absolutely nothing at all.  i have come to the conclusions that words don't mean anything without an action holding its hand.  the phrase "i love you" means absolutely nothing until it is shown and the word "cancer" doesn't bother anybody until they see it happening.  words aren't anything.  it's the hollow "i'm sorry" that takes away all the validity of the apology.  nobody is sorry until they try to fix it.

i sat at my table last night with a red pen in my hand and a contract lying on the table.  looking up, i saw the people who actually care, the people who actually love me. i saw eighty of my best friends.  i thought about the people in my life who say they love me, who say they will always be there for me, and through all the faces in the crowd, i didn't see any of theirs.  i saw the people who actually cared, the people who actually love me, not the people who proclaim to.  i'm so thankful for the people in my life that show their love by their actions.

my cousin came from salt lake by himself because he knew it was important to me.
my aunts and uncles and cousins drove thirty-five minutes at night because they knew it was important to me.
my friends came from homework, from meets, from young womens, from work because they knew it was important to me.
my family made cake and brought pizza because they knew it was important to me.
my best friend came right when she could because she knew it was important to me.
my friend came before voice lessons because she knew it was important to me.
my neighbors from my old ward took their time to come over because they knew it was important to me.
my uncle with a brain tumor tried to come but was so sick he couldn't, but he sent me a long, loving text because he knew it was important to me.

it's so funny to me how the people who make such a big deal about the "sorry's"  and the "i love you's" can't even do something so simple because they know it's important to me.  it's the people who don't necessarily say they love me, but show it that make the difference in my life.

thank you to everyone who supports me, and thank you to everyone who shows me you love me.

i couldn't ask for better friends.

i love you guys.

b.

i don't know what's right and what's real anymore.

let's be honest, the only thing i thought about today is the way your eyes crinkle when you smile.

it's a bad habit, really.

b.

it doesn't change.

time changes things.  it changes the way we feel about people and the people who make us feel like we belong.  it changes our hopes and our dreams and our futures. time heals you and breaks you and time makes you feel empty and time makes you feel full.  but there's some things that time doesn't change, things that time won't ever change. time won't change the way i felt when i got my first kiss, it won't change that night when i laid in my bed waiting for him so we could go stargazing. time won't change that concert, or the one time i showed him all my cameras.  time won't change the picture of that one starfish and it definitely won't change how i feel every time i see it.  time won't change how i felt when he pulled my chin and time won't change the confusion that washed over me when my lips weren't touched.  time won't change the fires, the borrowed jackets, or the messy-haired "you're beautiful." time won't change that. it won't. some things never change.

"you shot me to the ground staring in your eyes, so i could die a happy man today, so empty out your barrel girl it's alright, click clack away." (and to this day i don't understand how this quote applies to me.)

b.

letters, missionaries, and other things on my mind.

today, as i was sorting through my mail, i came across a letter addressed to me.  i scanned over the title and address with my finger. miss brittani finlayson. the stamp had been worn from its long trip and the envelope slightly tattered. as i slid my finger under the seal, i realized how much i adore letters. the idea, the feel, the look. i love everything about personal letters.

this little pink envelope brought my ever-changing mind to another topic very prevalent in my life right now: missionaries.  i have a best friend named kyle. he is going on a mission very, very soon.  for a moment the other day, it hit me a little bit how soon he is actually leaving. it was strange to truly realize for the first time that i won't have him here with me for two entire years. he is the boy that i talk to every single day. he's the one that, even though most the time he probably doesn't want to hear it, i tell my problems and fears to. he's the one that helps me through just about everything. he's my adventure buddy. we laugh together, we play together, we do everything together. we love each other.  

the thing that boggles my mind throughout this whole ordeal is how good it is that he's leaving. i know with all my heart that this is what he's supposed to do. if anybody can change people's lives, it's kyle smith. he is the most real, genuine person i know. he never judges, he never is cruel or unkind, he is the most wonderful person on this earth. it makes me so, so happy that he will be able to change so many people's lives and fix so many families eternities. i am so proud of this boy, more than he could ever, ever know.

so i guess here is my conclusion: i'm so proud of him. i love him. he will change so many lives. when he comes back he will be the best man. i know this experience will make him a better husband and a better father. i just have to keep telling myself, "it's only two years, it's only two years, it's only two years." because that's what it is. only two years. and guess what? love can make anything, and i mean anything happen.

b.

daydreams and my best friend.

today i drove both of my brothers to their lacrosse games.  i opened a dove chocolate to give to my brother and i glanced at the words on the surrounding foil.  "daydream." there is something about the word daydream that makes me think back on everything and realize how wonderful life is.

one specific thing that i love right now is my best friend elizabeth.  we were good friends in ninth grade, but with changing circumstances and different high schools, we grew apart.  i don't exactly remember how we came back into contact, but somehow we did, very recently, and we have been connected-at-the-hip best friends ever since.

i tell elizabeth absolutely everything.  we are so alike in so many ways, she understands where i'm coming from and what i'm going through.  we have similar personalities and we make similar choices.  we believe similar things and have similar goals.  i was having a pretty bad day one day this week and she sent me a text, out of the blue, that made my day completely.  she knows what i need to hear, and she knows when to say it. sometimes i think elizabeth and i have some sort of twin telepathy. we think the same things and laugh when we both bring up the same thing at the same time.  i can be myself around her, she's my sister i have never had.

however we became best friends and whenever it happened, i'm so thankful it did.  i love her to death.  thank you e for being my best friend. i love you.

p.s. come back already! i miss your face.

p.p.s. happy birthday in TWO days.

b.

**GUESS WHAT EVERYONE? i finally am using my own photographs. i know, it took awhile... but better late than never, right? right.

and sometimes i remember how good i have it.

today is thankful... saturday. erm, i suppose everybody else wants to make these things sound cute like "thankful thursday" and whatnot. but i want to say what i'm thankful for today and today is saturday. so here's to thankful saturday.

today i am thankful for:
1. my family. i don't give enough credit to my family.  they are so amazing and sweet and kind. they help me through everything and i know they will always be there for me.  i love my family so much. i know i'm a crazy, wild, free-spirited teenager. my family deals so well with it. they celebrate my craziness. i'm so, so, so extremely lucky to have them in my life for forever.
2. my friends. i love my friends. recently i have made some new friends that amaze me.  i couldn't have asked for more wonderful people to come into my life.  i am so thankful for the old friendships i have and for the new friendships i have gained. i don't know what i would do without my wonderful friends.  thank you, best friends, for every single thing you do for me. i love you.
3. swimming.  if you didn't know, i'm a pretty big swimmer. (and i don't mean "big" as in "i am so super fast. the fastest on the planet maybe" but "i swim five hours per day every day and i love it." you get it now?) this weekend, the chat invitational has been going on and i have had the opportunity to swim in it.  every year i dread this meet. it's so, so long and usually blistering hot.  this year it has shown me a couple more of my blessings.  swimming is something so dear to me i am unable to describe it.  it's a huge part of me that i wouldn't ever give up for anything.  not only do i adore the sport, swimming has taught me wonderful life lessons, it has given me so many wonderful friends, and it has opened up doors and opportunities that wouldn't have been opened up otherwise.  i love swimming.  this leads to number four.
4. my coach. i just want to say real fast how wonderful my coach dee is.  not only does he teach all of us how to swim like champions, he teaches us to live life like champions; and i admire him so much for this. i look up to him. he is almost like my second dad.  we all know that our coach loves us.  love you dee.
5. lotion. this sounds lame, but without lotion, i'd definitely be a leather purse look-alike by now.  thank you lotion, i worship you. amen.
6. my special someone. he makes me feel special. we can talk about anything. he makes me want to better. i think i've found something worth keeping. i love you like a chinese man loves his rice.
7. the place we live. so self explanatory. i'm so thankful to be free. i'm so thankful for every opportunity i have been blessed with.
8. gospel. cheesy, yes. but true. i don't know where i'd be without it. cliche but honest. i love it.
9. life in general. sometimes i look around and remember how good i have it.


life is good.


b.

we be cupcake-in'

e and i... are bakers.

noah and the whale. greatest concert ever? i think so!

noah and the whale... i definitely felt infinite.  they walked up on stage and my heart melted when i saw charlie fink's beautiful curly hair and his classy tuxedo. i don't think i could have been more in love when he began speaking in his flowing british accent. i'm going to join the rest of the women of the world and marry him someday.

i don't even know how to begin describing the wonderful feeling and atmosphere as they played.  there's just something crazy different about their music that will make almost anyone melt.  ah, if i continue typing, it's going to stop making sense because all i am thinking is, "noah and the whale! aaahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." so i'll stop.

go listen to them and maybe you'll understand.

noah and the whale. greatest concert ever.

p.s. i currently misplaced my camera. it went missing from the concert to my house last night. so, when i find it, i'll post pictures.  but you can enjoy these above ones as well.  i sure love them. aren't they lovely?

b.