homemaking at its finest.

we shopped, covered my kitchen in neon cake batter, licked beaters, talked about boys, burned chocolate, and experienced multiple marshmallow mishaps. all in all, it was a successful multi-colored, eight and a half pound parcel creating day.

that boy better love this beauty.

b.

on my mind.

there's a lot on my mind today. then again, when isn't there a lot on my mind? do you want to know what i'm thinking about? (you probably don't care, but just go with me on this one.) okay then, i'll tell you.

i'm thinking about this owl on the top of my post, and how the reason i put it there was because it reminds me of my little brothers. i love my little brothers so much, like an insanely indescribable amount. so much that i could never imagine loving anything more than those two boys.

i'm thinking about how today was a really good day. i think besides me being a terrible sport when i got destroyed in monopoly by a boy who didn't even know how to play (and i mean destroyed. like embarrassingly), i am kind of getting back to myself again, cause i haven't really been myself lately. who really knows why.

i'm thinking about how i made fun of a girl today. maybe it was in my head, maybe i shared it with my best friend, either way, it was mean, and i feel really bad about it.  i mean, it's definitely not my business how many boys she kisses and how many missionaries she proclaims to have. i don't have the right to talk bad about her, cause maybe she's actually a really good person.

i'm thinking about how weird things are lately. i'm going on a recruiting trip this weekend to my top choice college and i'm possibly going to sign with them next week if i think it feels right.  it's so strange to have this sort of control (not saying i really have much control, i just like to think that, maybe). but i like the feeling. having someone important know who i am and want me.  it definitely makes me feel special knowing that a school so many people get rejected from is paying for me to go up and visit them. i like it. i also giggle every time i think about it because for sixteen years of my life, i promised myself i would never, under any circumstance, go to that college because of "family loyalties". it's funny because i would kill to go to this school now, and it's weird because my family is behind me every single step of the way.

i'm thinking about everything, really.  i'm thinking about my uncle with brain cancer who i really hope will get better soon.  i'm thinking about the cliche "loving" of cats in the blogging, indie community.  i'm sorry everyone, really, but i kind of hate cats.  i'm a dog lover, shoot me. i'm thinking about the empty feeling i get whenever i hear "on my mind" because i know who gave that track to me, and i know he's gone, probably forever. and i'm thinking about how i don't like that. not at all.  i'm thinking about how long this post is, and the harsh reality that nobody's really going to read this and that, in all reality, it's only for my personal sanity.  i'm thinking about the stressful things in life like, how am i going to pay for college and remain un-anorexic at the same time? and, how are things going to end up? who am i going to be, and how am i going to be it? i'm thinking about blinking caution cones and poop in a bag lit on fire. (sidenote: if you ever get a flaming paper bag on your front porch, do not stomp it out. if you do, you will have melted poop on your shoe. there you go, fair warning.) i'm thinking about how everyone tries to be different by being the same, and i am thinking about a conversation i had about this with someone i really care about, and i remember his responses really bugging me. looking back, they were good answers.  i am thinking about how i should have taken advantage of something in my past, and how i really should have treated it differently, and how that is one of my biggest regrets because i don't know if i can ever fix the damage i've caused.

i'm just thinking, i guess. about everything and everything.

my only resolution: i'm going to be writing a kick-butt letter tomorrow.

"the darkness falls, the shadows break, and the dawn returns, and even then i can't explain how deep it burns, let your thoughts release the cold, and you'll find the body's younger than the soul. i've been known to take my time, i've been told that i'm alright, i don't know if i'm your kind, all i know is that you are... you're on my mind."


b.

things change, people change.

today at practice i had an epiphany: things change, people change. my friends have changed, i've changed. i think i've almost moved on from the whole high school scene. i am no longer that immature high school girl who cares what other people think. i have realized in the past week how much i actually don't care. at the beginning of summer i would have cared a lot that i was losing a friend; now, i don't. not one bit. maybe that's a bad thing, but i have realized that she isn't a type of friend worth working towards. i feel like my old friends are still stuck in that phase. the phase where the image is better than the quality. if it doesn't look cool to be nice to someone, they sure as heck won't... but if you're cool enough, they'll be your best friend. i hate that. i've moved forward from that. i don't want that in my life.

my best friends are quality people. people who will be nice to everyone... whether it's in style or not.

kindness never goes out of style.

"let go."

b.

guess what guys? it's my birthday tomorrow!

i know, you're all stoked.

even though my day is going to be normal with work and swim, i am still excited. i have a fun family to play with and some wonderful friends who absolutely spoil me. i'm going to be real old. old enough that... i still can't go to jail. oh well, nothing new actually happens at this upcoming age, but i still feel old!

okay, enough about old. i'm getting wrinkles thinking about all this.

have a happy 8th of july everyone! remember who you are.

b.

people and confusion.

my list of confusing people:
1. "attractive man friend"
why? just because.
2. "golfer"
why? actually he's not too confusing.  BUT i'm adding him to the list because i'd like to read his mind. or i'd just like him to say what he feels about me out loud... just saying.
3. "indian boy"
why? this definition would take approximately twelve years to write... so just imagine this one.
4. "hipster"
why? she is so up and down and all around. i don't know when she likes me or when she hates me. sometimes i'm not cool enough for her and sometimes she says she's not cool enough for me.  make up your mind! be my friend or don't be my friend. but pick a side, please?
5. the world in general
why? can't we just speak our minds people??


okay, i'm done ranting about confusion, cause in reality i'm not that confused.  i just think i am.  i mean, i have a couple valid points, right? (don't answer that if i don't, i like to make myself think that i have valid points all the time.) it all comes down to one thing:


i just wish i could read minds.


 p.s. thanks mariah for listening to my confusion.  you're pretty much the best at making me feel like i have completely valid points which makes you=awesome. and your solution to all problems (also your john mayer dream) makes me laugh.  you're pretty much one of the best friends of all time. i'm lucky to have you as my friend.


b.

book on tapeworm, the moth & the flame, and other various artists. (but mostly book on tapeworm)

tonight i went with some of my best friends on this entire earth to a concert at the velour.  it was beauty, pure beauty i tell you.  book on tapeworm hosted the event (guess who the piano player/singer in book on tapeworm is? oh yeah, my idol emily brown. just saying.) it began with some random artists, which were all extremely good, if you ask me.  then it moved on to the moth & the flame. the only way i am able to describe what i experienced with that small band amounts to one word. unreal.  it was like u2 and snow patrol smashed in one man.

then. oh, you won't believe what happened next.  then book on tapeworm came on stage and began singing the most beautiful song of my entire life.  there's something about lullabies that make my heart absolutely melt.  the entire concert was amazing, the people i was with were amazing.  i am so lucky to have such great friends.  people i can be myself around.  people who won't judge me.  people who say "okay, i've just gotta say it.  the only person i'd have a one night stand with is john mayer." i love them.  they make me happy.

thanks, guys, for being the best friends a girl could ever ask for.

(p.s. the last song was my favorite.  for various reasons.)

moving on, i discovered my love for concerts as of late.  my love of attending them and feeling that rush as the artist(s) begin their first piece.  the first strum of that guitar or the first key played on that piano.  i love the voices, the talent that is displayed as these wonderful people let their voices lead the music.  i love how they are honest with themselves, and how they express themselves through music.

i love the concert atmosphere.  it's almost like a family. (unless you're at a freak concert like ke$ha. then i think you're a family cause of drugs and lust. just saying.  not judging.) we all like the same music, or at least we all like this artist.  i love how everyone sways with the music...

i love concerts.

here are some photographs of this amazing night:

...and a few of them recording, cause they're just so great:

if you haven't listened to their talent, check them out. i dare you.

b.

oh, hello again!

apologies for the ever so long gap between this post and my last.  i suppose recently i haven't had much on my mind that's really worth sharing.  or maybe i'm just lazy.  anyway, whatever the reason... i'm back to the swing of blogging things. and i think i'm for real this time.

today is a thursday.  which means tomorrow's a friday! wow, did you see that intelligent sequencing there? because i sure did.  i am so excited for the weekend, you don't even know.  i feel as though this week has been dragging on for at least six eternities.  at least.  don't you agree?  i swear it has been friday since monday.

i have something to rant about for just one moment.  sarcasm.  lately it has been bugging the heck out of me.  i mean, not the friendly "what kind of cell phone do you have?" "i don't believe in cell phones" kind... cause obviously that's harmless.  i'm meaning the type where it kind of hurts your soul but you just don't want to show it.  yeah, i hate that kind.  and it's been happening to me an awful lot lately.

lately i feel as though i've been running on low with friends... and it's almost depressing.  today, i got really excited because four people asked me to play with them this weekend... so i accidentally mentioned it to a friend.  and she said "wow, here's a gold star for you." you know when things really, really, really hurt... but you don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing? well, that's how it was. and it really, honestly, truly sucked.

moral of the story: sometimes sarcasm really hurts! even though you're not trying to be mean, sometimes it hits deeper than you would have ever imagined it would hit.

sorry for the rant. i promise i'll post something happy next! thanks for the listen.

b.

me&nolan. lone peak prom 2011.

prom was so fun! nolan is a little stud.

series of events:

1. went golfing. (where i accidentally did one good "drive" and hit katie in the arm.  sorry katie.) basically, we both sucked at golfing, so we resorted to going off jumps with our golf cart. it was a ball.

2. ate lunch at subway.

3. went home to get all primped for the dance.

4. picked up and drove with nolan, blake, and katie to jace's house.

5. met up with the rest of our small group (ty and rylee, miranda and jace) to get pictures with our big group.

6. went to jace's house where a limo picked us up.

7. drove up to tucanos with the neon mood lights, making toasts and listening to rock way too loud.

8. ate at tucanos. a lot of meat! it was way good though. lots of laughs.

9. arrived at the dance and danced like there was no tomorrow.

10. picked up our fire&ice at the door and tested it out.

11. went to jace's to watch a movie.  all of us ended up hitting the wall at approximately one o'clock.  long night.

12. dropped off at home. door step scene uneventful, if you know what i mean. ha.

in conclusion, prom was amazing! i couldn't have asked for a better date! 

b.