new goggles.

hey, i took this picture. cool huh?

this is my little brother nathan... isn't he the cutest?

b.

cause my eyelashes catch my sweat, yes they do.

i'll write a real post sometime... i promise. i have an insane amount of writer's block.

in the meantime, check out my photography blog here. it may or may not actually have photos on it yet. be patient.

hugs and kisses and all lovely things,

b.

cutest thing ever? yes.

**this was on letters to crushes... and it kind of made my heart melt...

This is the letter my Grandfather read at my Grandmother's funeral two years ago. I feel like it's something I should share, and this is the place to share it.

"We were in the 5th grade and I asked if you needed a push on the swing.

You looked at me and smiled, but didn't say anything. I walked up behind you and gave you a gentle push, and that was the first time I heard your musical laugh. The first time I saw the twinkle in your eyes.

Our teacher snapped a picture as she walked by, collecting photos to show the parents at our end of school picnic that weekend. Remember, Liddy? You had on a pink dress and your shoelaces wouldn't stay tied. I always thought you hadn't learned to tie your shoes properly, but now I realize you were always moving so fast that the wind probably untied them.

In that shy boyish manner of giving you my favorite baseball card, I told you I liked you, Lid. And I've been telling you ever since. We became best friends. We were bandits and pirates; having adventures until the street lights flickered on. As we grew up we progressed to our first dance, our first kiss, our first fight. I learned that each blushing smile I got out of you was precious and treasured them. You told me your dreams, I told you my fears. Fears of war, of dying...of leaving you.

And now you've left me, Lid. And although I know you're not really gone, I'm still going to miss my best friend. But when I look at that black and white photograph of a mischievous boy with dark freckles standing behind a girl on a swing, smiling so widely with untied shoes, I know she'll be with me until I get to see her again. She'll be there reminding me to turn off the oven, to pray each night, to carry on with my days. She'll also remind me to put my teeth in so I don't scare the mailman again.

I love you, Liddy. You've been my crush for 62 years and you always will be."

i don't know what's right and what's real anymore.

let's be honest, the only thing i thought about today is the way your eyes crinkle when you smile.

it's a bad habit, really.

b.

it doesn't change.

time changes things.  it changes the way we feel about people and the people who make us feel like we belong.  it changes our hopes and our dreams and our futures. time heals you and breaks you and time makes you feel empty and time makes you feel full.  but there's some things that time doesn't change, things that time won't ever change. time won't change the way i felt when i got my first kiss, it won't change that night when i laid in my bed waiting for him so we could go stargazing. time won't change that concert, or the one time i showed him all my cameras.  time won't change the picture of that one starfish and it definitely won't change how i feel every time i see it.  time won't change how i felt when he pulled my chin and time won't change the confusion that washed over me when my lips weren't touched.  time won't change the fires, the borrowed jackets, or the messy-haired "you're beautiful." time won't change that. it won't. some things never change.

"you shot me to the ground staring in your eyes, so i could die a happy man today, so empty out your barrel girl it's alright, click clack away." (and to this day i don't understand how this quote applies to me.)

b.

anything and everything.

take my hand, i'll teach you to dance.

i'll spin you around, won't let you fall down.

would you let me lead, you can step on my feet.

give it a try, it'll be alright.

the room's hush, hush,

and now's our moment.

take it in, feel it all, and hold it.

eyes on you, eyes on me.

we're doing this right.

cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.

spotlight shining, it's all about us.

it's all.

about us.

and every heart in the room will melt,

this is a feeling i've never felt but,

it's all.

about us.

suddenly, i'm feeling brave.

don't know what's got into me,

why i feel this way.

can we dance, real slow?

can i hold you, can i hold you close?

the room's hush, hush, 

and now's our moment.

take it in, feel it all, and hold it.

eyes on you, eyes on me.

we're doing this right.

cause lovers dance when they're feeling in love.

spotlight shining, it's all about us,

it's all.

about us.

and every heart in the room will melt,

this is a feeling i've never felt but,

it's all about us.

do you hear that love?

they're playing our song.

do you think we're ready?

love i'm really feeling it.

do you hear that love?

do you hear that love?

lovers dance when they're feeling in love.

spotlight shining, it's all about us.

it's all about us.

every heart in the room will melt,

this is a feeling i've never felt,

but it's all about us.

b.

p.s. you looked really good tonight.

and i like your smile. a lot.

you make the world beautiful.

it goes on.

life.

life is unexpected. everything, completely unexpected. life is when your uncle gets a brain tumor and life is when every once of information you get continues to get worse... and worse.  life. it's what changes your name and changes your grades and changes your personality and style and relationships.  life. it's what makes you fall in love, it's what makes you fall out of it.  life is the oxygen we breathe into our lungs and every flutter of our eyelids.  life is the late-night blogging and the forever long procrastination of research papers.  life is every moment we choose to let go and every second we cherish.  life is our opportunities, it's our good days and our bad days, it's our failures and our triumphs.  life is getting up after someone pushes you to the ground and probably stomps on you a couple times cause they really have no heart, and no soul for that matter.  life is what compels your friends to send you messages containing the words "i miss you friend, come back" and life is what makes you come back, every time.  life is what hurts your feelings and life is what makes you forgive.  life is your family, your friends, anything that walks into your life and steps all over your heart. life is hating people and loving people, and life is hopefully having the love outweigh the hate. life is attempting to do math and life is having a friend to teach it to you six times. and life is what makes you feel like an idiot half the time and the champion of the world the other half.  life is what makes us emotional, it's what whispers to us we deserve better. life's what causes all break-ups and life's what causes every change.  life is what makes you sporadically write a missionary and life is what makes you pray he scribbles a note back for you.  life is what makes the q on this keyboard difficult to press and life is what makes you press that q until it goes. life is what changes you and life is what changes me.  life is what makes you hope that every change is good. life gives you second chances, and third chances, and fourth chances.  life gives you room for improvement and life doesn't fail you, you're the one that can fail life.

if i've learned one thing about life, it's that it goes on.

you cannot change the past, but you can change your future.

"things change and people change, and life doesn't stop for anybody."

b.

p.s. guess who's going on a recruiting trip this weekend? me! don't be too excited. okay, be excited, cause i'm stoked and stuff.