the horror.

the peterson heritage center: the dread of each college freshman living in kitchen-less dorm rooms. it may not look too terrible from the outside, but once forced into habit on someone, the hc turns into a horrific dungeon of nutrition-less, questionably-edible, severely overpriced food. sadly, us freshman have no choice in the matter. we pay our hard earned cash for this garbage, we may as well eat it.

and so, after a solid three months of feeling like death after each meal (i know, i'm a slow discoverer), i have decided to create a diet for myself. not a losing weight diet, you know, but like an i-don't-want-to-feel-like-my-insides-are-falling-out-anymore type of diet.

i began today with an experiment. i downloaded the intelligent, and may i mention one hundred percent free, myfitnesspal app onto my cell phone and started logging my food. after loading my breakfast results i stared in complete and utter horror. for breakfast i ingested a total of 1027 calories. and yet, this isn't the worst of it. i had ingested 40 grams of fat, 439 milligrams of cholesterol, 1386 milligrams of sodium, and 142 grams of carbohydrates. horror, horror i tell you.

no wonder i feel like someone just wrung my intestines out. so, in conclusion, i will be spending the next couple hours of my life researching cafeteria eating and how not to die from this stuff.  please, please. if you have any advice or specifically lovely articles for me to read, i would definitely appreciate it.

have a lovely sunday, everyone, and stay away from cafeteria food while you can.

lyrics to help you.

when we were younger we thought
everyone was on our side
then we grew a little bit
and romanticized the time i saw
flowers in your hair
it takes a boy to live
it takes a man to pretend he was there

so then we grew a little and knew a lot
and now we demonstrated it to the cops
and all the things we said
we were self-assured
cause it's a long road to wisdom
but it's a short one to be ignored

be in my eyes
be in my heart
be in my eyes
and be in my heart

so now i think that i could
love you back
and i hope it's not too late cause you're so attractive
and the way you move
i won't close my eyes
it takes a man to live
it takes a woman to make him compromise

be in my eyes
be in my heart
be in my eyes
and be in my heart.

flowers in your hair - the lumineers

and then comes saturday.

sometimes our coach makes us roll around in the mud after practice, just because he can.
welcome to the university of utah swimming and diving, folks, where it never, ever, ever gets boring.

binge blogging.

how adorable is this?

scripture sunday.

"for god hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 timothy 1:7

i make a lot of mistakes.

sometimes it's hard realizing that the choices you're making are not taking you to the place you want to go. i have realized, lately, how terribly far from perfect i am. i make a lot of mistakes. and, trust me, i mean a lot. but i've realized, along with the harsh reality that i make plenty of mistakes, that the point of life isn't about the mistakes you've made, but what you do with your mistakes. i've made plenty of choices that i would say i'd take back in a heartbeat, but then i realize i wouldn't have received the lesson from them if i could take them back. maybe i'm not making sense and maybe i sound crazy, but i'm thankful for my mistakes.  they have forced me to learn, and they have forced me to grow.

so here i am, my first two weeks of college and a lot of mistakes under my belt, and i am vowing to change. i will be the brittani i know i am, i will stand up for what i believe in no matter who it is against, i will fight for my values, and my morals, and my beliefs.  i will stay virtuous and be consistently true to myself. i will not ruin what i am and what i have built for myself for the past eighteen years. because, you know what? no matter what the world tells me, i am great. i am something rare. and although everyone is telling me that "it won't hurt" and that i'm "inexperienced," i know that someday i want to find someone that also brushed off the "it won't hurt" and i want to find that someone who is just as "inexperienced" as i am. we "inexperienced" are rare. and we are worth it. i'm no longer afraid of being that rarity, instead i'm proud. be proud with me. we can start a pure revolution. we need to remember that our mistakes make us stronger. let's look forward to a better future and never dwell on the past. life is meant to be lived forward, not backwards.

be bigger. be better. stand taller. stay purer.

the now.

my name is brittani and i hate the unknown. i wouldn't say i'm someone who is afraid of the unknown, no, i'm not afraid. i'm just that girl who needs to always know her next move. each morning (usually in math class, whoops.) i plan my day. embarrassingly enough, i even jot in when and where i am going to eat my meals. i like knowing, i like planning.

since i was a little girl, i had a plan. it was absolutely and completely foolproof.  i would find the love of my life my senior year of high school. he would go on a mission and return home with honor. i would tie a precious bow around all the letters we had written in the past twenty four months, he would propose to me, and we would have the most fairytale wedding to ever exist.

this plan began unfolding wonderfully in my senior year of high school.  i met the boy i thought was the absolute love of my life and he got ready to serve a mission. only a few months later, my plan came crashing down on top of me.  it smothered me, and i couldn't get up for air. what was supposed to be my wonderful fairlytale had in fact turned into a tear-filled nightmare. 

to this day, people still ask me if i'm okay, and the reality of it is i only feel one emotion now. gratitude. i am so very thankful the situation played out as it did. there isn't a day that goes by i'm not overflowing with gratitude for the opportunities i have and for the place i am now with my life.  i suppose you could say it wasn't meant to be, and although i strongly agree, there are many more factors that went into the situation as a whole.  we weren't right for each other. not one bit. we have different goals, and much different ambitions. we are going much different places in life.  even now, our choices have put us on completely diverging paths. together would have resulted in a very negative consequence for us both, and i truly believe our lives would not be as happy as they would be apart; now or in the future.

so here i am, for the first time in my life completely content with the unknown. i don't know where i'm going to meet him, or where, or even how. i don't know if he will be blonde or brown, if his eyes will be blue or green. i don't know his major, his occupation, his origin. all i know is he's out there, somewhere he's out there. and right now he's making decisions that will lead him to me, and i am making decisions that will lead me to him.

someday, i'll meet my prince charming. 

and i promise you, it will be the most fairytale wedding to ever exist.