my mother.

i listened to a girl today say that she would never be like her mother. she pathetically exclaimed that everything her mother had done, in mothering, in life, and in general, she would do the opposite.  i looked in awe at that girl, wondering how in the world she could feel such a thing.  my thoughts drifted to my own mother.  the woman who has taught me so many valuable life lessons.  i thought about our rare mother/daughter relationship, and how i wouldn't trade it for the world. as i was thinking, i realized that i want to be just like my mother, my mother who has taught me everything by example.

i have watched countless times  my mother's genuine sweetness, gentleness, and kindness envelop someone. i have witnessed it surround me.  my mother is hard working. my mother is sweet and genuine.  my mother is kind and loving. my mother is crazy and loud.  my mother is understanding and forgiving.  my mother is faithful. my mother is true to what she believes. my mother has so many unique qualities that i only dream to possess in my lifetime.  i hope to be half the mother she is to me. i hope to be half the woman she is today.

i've watched my mother in wonder as she gently tucks her child into bed. i've watched her tenderly rock a baby to sleep.  i've watched my mother plant a beautiful garden.  i've watched my mother build homes for the poor and bring the broken happiness.  i've watched my mother work together with my father. i have witnessed my mother throughout most every situation, and i never ever cease to become increasingly impressed by her.  my mother is the epitome of a great woman.  she is my role model. she is my best friend.

you know what i want to be when i grow up?

a mom.

b.

...and then i said a swear word

yesterday began in a somewhat terrifying manner.  my alarm woke me at 5:48 sharp and i groggily left my bed. i hadn't slept much due to my terrible battle with nature (a.k.a. allergies). i brushed my teeth and went to get a towel from the linen closet downstairs. first foot movement onto the steps and i was on my behind, tumbling down the entire flight. too tired to really understand what was occurring, i sat unfocused on the bottom step until my dad retired from his bedroom to investigate the ruckus.  understandably, he thought i was an idiot. as always, i continued on with my life.

at this point i felt somewhat slackerish and decided beddy bye would be a more enjoyable place for my body than the frigid pool, so i went to work to convince my parents that no, i didn't have to go to swim team today... for that would not be in my best interest. it ended in obvious parental disappointment and an angry brittani.  defeated, i hastily packed my swim bag and got in my car.  backing out of my garage, i felt my car jolt. i had backed into my father's trailer.

and then i said a swear word.

ridiculous? i know. i went to tell my father what had happened, and he was not particularly a happy camper about the whole deal. i have come to terms with the fact that idiocy is a prevalent issue in my life.  something which, at this point, is likely incurable.  ah well. i like life. even with my lack of societal intelligence.

boom boom pow.

b.

and sometimes i remember how good i have it.

today is thankful... saturday. erm, i suppose everybody else wants to make these things sound cute like "thankful thursday" and whatnot. but i want to say what i'm thankful for today and today is saturday. so here's to thankful saturday.

today i am thankful for:
1. my family. i don't give enough credit to my family.  they are so amazing and sweet and kind. they help me through everything and i know they will always be there for me.  i love my family so much. i know i'm a crazy, wild, free-spirited teenager. my family deals so well with it. they celebrate my craziness. i'm so, so, so extremely lucky to have them in my life for forever.
2. my friends. i love my friends. recently i have made some new friends that amaze me.  i couldn't have asked for more wonderful people to come into my life.  i am so thankful for the old friendships i have and for the new friendships i have gained. i don't know what i would do without my wonderful friends.  thank you, best friends, for every single thing you do for me. i love you.
3. swimming.  if you didn't know, i'm a pretty big swimmer. (and i don't mean "big" as in "i am so super fast. the fastest on the planet maybe" but "i swim five hours per day every day and i love it." you get it now?) this weekend, the chat invitational has been going on and i have had the opportunity to swim in it.  every year i dread this meet. it's so, so long and usually blistering hot.  this year it has shown me a couple more of my blessings.  swimming is something so dear to me i am unable to describe it.  it's a huge part of me that i wouldn't ever give up for anything.  not only do i adore the sport, swimming has taught me wonderful life lessons, it has given me so many wonderful friends, and it has opened up doors and opportunities that wouldn't have been opened up otherwise.  i love swimming.  this leads to number four.
4. my coach. i just want to say real fast how wonderful my coach dee is.  not only does he teach all of us how to swim like champions, he teaches us to live life like champions; and i admire him so much for this. i look up to him. he is almost like my second dad.  we all know that our coach loves us.  love you dee.
5. lotion. this sounds lame, but without lotion, i'd definitely be a leather purse look-alike by now.  thank you lotion, i worship you. amen.
6. my special someone. he makes me feel special. we can talk about anything. he makes me want to better. i think i've found something worth keeping. i love you like a chinese man loves his rice.
7. the place we live. so self explanatory. i'm so thankful to be free. i'm so thankful for every opportunity i have been blessed with.
8. gospel. cheesy, yes. but true. i don't know where i'd be without it. cliche but honest. i love it.
9. life in general. sometimes i look around and remember how good i have it.


life is good.


b.

and it was perfect.

once upon a time...
it was absolutely, positively, perfect.
every single teeny tiny moment of it.
even though i laughed the whole.entire.time.
(i really, really, REALLY hope he loved it as much as i did)
i really, really REALLY like him.
from the top of my head to the tips of my toes.


i am one lucky girl.


b.

simplicity.

there's something absolutely beautiful about simplicity.

b.

it's always better when we're together.

"there's no combination of words i could put on the back of a postcard. no song that i could sing, but i can try for your heart. our dreams, and they are made out of real things. like a shoe box of photographs, some sepia toned lovin'. love is the answer, at least with most of the questions in my heart. like why are we here? and where do we go? and how come it's so hard? it's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. i'll tell you one thing: it's always better when we're together."

b.

this is me.

i am...
...the girl you see at the store in an ugly sweater and leggings.
...the girl who can't stand to have her hair done for more than ten minutes.
...the girl who will drop anything and everything to help a friend.
...the girl who sits by her window at night and watches thunder storms.
...the girl who wants to fall helplessly in love, but is too afraid.
...the girl who thinks she was born in the wrong decade.
...the girl who wears blue eyeliner just because she can.
...the girl who is terrified of her future.
...the girl who gives a hundred percent to her dreams.
...the girl who plays piano for hours at a time just to feel it.
...the girl who spends too much time on facebook and not enough time on homework.
...the girl who feels like she disappoints too many people too often.
...the girl who pretends to be tough, but in reality cries more than her fair share.
...the girl who loves pink.
...the girl who sleeps with her stuffed hippo every night.
...the girl who loves photography, but never feels like it's quite right.
...the girl who loves the water.
...the girl who is confident in herself.
...the girl who likes to cuddle with the boy she loves.
...the girl who secretly likes big men because they make her feel small.
...the girl who is stubborn beyond measure.
...the girl who loves giving.
...the girl who cried when she left bryan de jesus in mexico, but hid it so nobody could see.
...the girl who feels like holding hands is meaningful.
...the girl who likes the feel of drinking soda out of a bottle.
...the girl who loves vintage.
...the girl who is insecure about her little lips.
...the girl that nobody will ever truly figure out.

i am brittani. and that's all.

b.

adventure is out there.

i love going where i've never gone, experiencing what i've never experienced, and doing things i've never done.  i have always felt like i was being held back. by school, by parents, by relationships... but now, for some liberating reason, i feel free. for some odd reason, i feel like i can do anything.  so much new has entered my life as of late.  i feel like i have walked into a new stage of my life and, in all honestly, i am thrilled.

i'm not saying i love all change. it still throws me for a loop that one of my best friends is opening his mission call tonight, that i no longer have a grandpa, that i only have one more year of high school. it's strange to me.  but i'm trying to think of it all as a new adventure, a new beginning.

so many good changes have also come into my life lately.  some of them so unexpected it amazes me.  i still am unable to wrap my mind around some of it.  last night, while i was lying in my bed talking to someone special, i realized how unexpected this entire ride has been. my unlikely dreams as a little girl are finally falling into place. everything is finally falling into place. i have new friends that love me for the crazy, free-spirited girl i am. my forever long dream has finally come into my life. he let's me be my crazy self and he's perfect.  life couldn't get better.

let's go on an adventure. 
let's explore. let's be free... together.

b.

this is a post titled: kissing.

"if you are ever in doubt as to weather to kiss a pretty girl, always give her the benefit of the doubt."

-thomas carlyle

"i ran up the door, opened the stairs, said my pajamas and put on my prayers- turned off my bed, tumbled into my light, and all because he kissed me goodnight."

-unknown

"her lips on his could tell him better than all her stumbling words."

-margaret mitchell

kiss me silly.

b.

we be cupcake-in'

e and i... are bakers.

she's got deep brown eyes, that have seen it all.

on my mind currently:

a) k. but pretty sure he's always on my mind.

b) i thought i was getting better at reading minds. that was a false assumption.

c) i'm going longboarding today with one of my best friends.

d) e and i made peanut butter chocolate cupcakes yesterday to die for! (post coming soon)

e) mine, e, and m's murder mystery mocktail party.

f) i don't know what to wear today. 

g) i miss my brother and momma. come back from canada!

h) the irony of texting. when you don't want them to respond, they do. when you want to know their response so.bad. they don't respond.

i think i covered most of it.

"on my last night on earth, i won't look to the sky, just breathe in the air, and blink in the light. on my last night on earth, i'll pay a high price, to have no regrets, and be done with my life.

l.i.f.e.g.o.e.s.o.n. you've got more than money and sense my friend, you got heart. and you're going your own way."

let's get rich and give everybody nice sweaters and teach them how to dance.

b.

hey, this heart is made out of deer.

why is it so hard to say "i love you"?


one of these days i'm going to say it without fear.


b.

tuesday tunes.

here's a list of tunes to brighten your day!

1. be be your love... rachael yamagata
2. cars...lady danville
3. on my mind...kalai
4. your body is a wonderland...john mayer
5. daughters...john mayer
6. L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N... noah and the whale
7. 5 years time... noah and the whale
8. blue spotted tail...fleet foxes
9. do you remember....jack johnson
10. angel...jack johnson

remember you're loved.

b.

only the cutest commercial i have ever seen.

b.

be be your love.

there's just something about last night that was perfect.

maybe it was his head on my lap listening to jack johnson...

or maybe it was when he ran towards me, picked me up, and started spinning me around...

maybe it was when he put his arm around me...

or when he grabbed my hand for just a second...

or maybe it's just because i was with him.

b. 

someday.

confession: i'm obsessed with weddings.

ssh, don't tell.

one day i will find the perfect man. and i will fall in love with him. and he will be madly in love with me. and he'll ask me to marry him. and i'll say yes. then we'll be really, really poor like most newly married couples are. but we will get by and be happy because we will be deeply in love. we'll adventure together. we'll raise a pretty family together. we will teach our children the right. we will live life together. we will grow old together, still madly in love. we'll be together forever.  someday.

hey, let's look at my favorite engagement pictures in the entire world. okay?

you can find more photos by this wonderful photographer here and here. 

hey, you. let's just fall in love.

b.

noah and the whale. greatest concert ever? i think so!

noah and the whale... i definitely felt infinite.  they walked up on stage and my heart melted when i saw charlie fink's beautiful curly hair and his classy tuxedo. i don't think i could have been more in love when he began speaking in his flowing british accent. i'm going to join the rest of the women of the world and marry him someday.

i don't even know how to begin describing the wonderful feeling and atmosphere as they played.  there's just something crazy different about their music that will make almost anyone melt.  ah, if i continue typing, it's going to stop making sense because all i am thinking is, "noah and the whale! aaahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh." so i'll stop.

go listen to them and maybe you'll understand.

noah and the whale. greatest concert ever.

p.s. i currently misplaced my camera. it went missing from the concert to my house last night. so, when i find it, i'll post pictures.  but you can enjoy these above ones as well.  i sure love them. aren't they lovely?

b.

be your own heroine.

i have an obsession with heroines. the beautiful, confident girls in books and movies that save people and do amazing things.  i love it when the girl beats the boy to it, when she is the one who cracks the code. i especially love it when she doesn't really need a boy at all.

society today places far too much pressure on having that "man" and girls are becoming less of their own heroines.  they think that they're worthless without him, that he defines her.  i am telling you thins. you're wrong.  girls are amazing. they can accomplish amazing things.  a woman can truly do anything if she sets her mind to it.  girls have that innate nature to be loving, caring, and kind; and that's what they're (we're)  here for.

we're here for the precious little babies brought to this earth. we're here to rock them to sleep, to sing them lullabies at night, to cuddle them and comfort them.  we are here for the little children. to guide them, to help them learn, to bandage up their knees when they fall on their bike, to kiss them on the forehead and sing them primary songs when they're afraid.  we're here for the teenagers. to have patience with them, to lead them and teach them, to let them know that they always are loved, to let them know they are special.  we are here for the men. to be his comforter and his strength, to show him what love is, to be partners with him in raising precious souls, to have fun with him, to make him a better person.  we are here for the world.  to be examples, to love, to care, and to give.

The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender.

There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind.

There are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined.

We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith.

We have enough greed; we need more goodness.

We have enough vanity; we need more virtue.

We have enough popularity; we need more purity."

 -Sister Margaret Nadauld 

be your own heroine.


b.

weird.

"we're all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love."


b.

hello, my name is brittani, and i'm a summerholic.

today, i left a note on my counter reading: "dear mom and dad, off to get a snow cone. love b." for some reason leaving this note in the kitchen and hopping in my truck with the windows down and the sunroof open made me feel extremely liberated.  then i realized, i'm a summerholic.

you know you're a summerholic if:
1. you have a file named "summer lovin" on your desktop.
2. you spend at least $100 at a snow cone shack by the end of summer.
3. short-shorts and bikinis occupy your every dream.
4. you have a playlist on your iPod named "summer"
5. ...and you won't play any of those songs unless it's summer.
6. you're in the pool more than you're on land.
7. you sleep under the stars every summer.
8. you climb multiple mountains when it's warm.
9. you take summer romances with a grain of salt.
10. you spend the majority of summer barefoot.
11. your skin is consistently a mexican hue.
12. summer's the time of your life.


because these all apply to me, i am most definitely a summerholic.  here are a couple things from my "summer lovin'" folder on my laptop.  read number one. every summerholic has one.

it's summer folks.

b.